Are you wondering, "What the heck?! Pammy has a Barbie on her blog!! That sure doesn't belong there!" I know...never thought I would get to put a picture of Barbie on my blog. I happen to have the funniest story ever to go with it though.

Last night I had an Uppercase Living open house to go to, so that left Dad in charge of dinner. What does that mean? McDonald's. Of course. So my kids love Happy Meals. Who doesn't really? McDonald's for some reason always has gender specific toys, which in today's world doesn't seem like it would be politically correct...but oh well, who cares. So Ferris orders their food and tells them that the 3 Happy Meals are all for boys.

They get home to eat their food and what do you think has happened? Yep, the ever impressive staff at McDonald's has now ruined the evening for an otherwise sane father. Ian gets his toy out and it is a matchbox car. Boring, but boyish. So then Spider Man and Bear get theirs out...you guessed it. Pretty little Barbie dolls. (seriously wish I would have been home for this.) Spider Man CHUCKED his across the room and shook his fist to the heavens and yelled, "CURSE YOU MCDONALD'S!!!" (Ferris was trying his very best to not laugh his head off at his boy's dilemma. I would have been in tears laughing.) Bear was sicked out by his and was all ticked off. Ian was happy as a clam for being the only one to get a boy toy. (that's right...I just typed "boy toy" on my blog.)

Spider Man and Bear spent the rest of the meal swearing (yelling) to never go to McDonald's again, and what they were going to do to their Barbies today. They were asking Dad if they "can DESTROY the Barbies tomorrow?"

So thank you McDonald's staff! Now I can go for 2 flipping weeks without being nagged to go to McDonald's!! Who needs a little sister to provide innocent Barbies to pick on when you have those upstanding people at McDonald's to help you out?

I will keep you posted about the destruction of said Barbies. The amateurs probably don't know how to do it. They could just feed it to the dog...she would make quick of work of them. Poor pretty little Barbies.

The Greatest Art Form

The art of swaddling is as old as time. Women, being the innovative thinks that we are, discovered early on that the swaddle is a soother to infants. We even hear about it in biblical times...every Christmas we are reminded that Mary wrapped baby Jesus in swaddling clothes.

The tradition has been passed down through generations of time, perhaps from mother to daughter as we teach our little girls how to wrap their baby dolls in blankets. Or, in my case, passed along to us exhausted new parents by those saintly nurses in the mother/baby section of the hospital. (come on, you didn't really think I played with dolls did you?! If you did, let me introduce myself. "Hi, I'm Pammy...have we met?!")

Being back in the swaddling trenches again with my 4th baby, I have made some observations. This is not rocket science by any means. I started thinking about all the different facets of swaddling one night when Small-fry got up way before he normally did. I went in there and he was cold and awake. His blankets were down by his feet in a pile. Not even a former-swaddled-blanket-pile. Just a unrecognizable lump by his feet. His feet were all cold and he was so happy to see mommy. (to say someone is cold around here is really saying something. I have babysitters that bring jackets with them in the middle of July!)

(Actual reenactment of Daddy's awesome swaddling job...the aftermath anyway.)

So as I took care of the baby, I sat there thinking of how many ways to tease Ferris in the morning, because of course, he had been to one to put Small-fry to sleep. Nothing against him, it is simply because he just doesn't get as much practice as mommy. Just like I will NEVER be able to compete with the nurses in the nursery of the hospital. Those babies are wrapped so perfectly every single time, it ought to be part of the application process for hiring nurses!

So let us break down the swaddling technique, using my baby for the test subject. (I know, not really a controlled group of test subjects...but who is really going to let me come practice wrapping their babies up really tight and then take pictures while laughing?! I totally have been laughing my head off too while taking pictures. Sure wish I could put thought bubbles above the baby's head in the pictures. His face is classic as he is watching the breakdown of mommy's sanity!)

Step 1: Fold the top corned down of a fairly large blanket. (we will not be using smaller receiving blankets because those will only hold a 4-month-old for like 2.6 seconds. They are far more wiggly then a newborn. Size specifications are a whole different blog post...and not nearly as entertaining.)


Step 2: Place baby in center of fold, with the top of the blanket right about ear level. If baby is placed too high on the blanket, then he can just pop right of the top of the swaddle. (Just observe the 'innocent' expression. Don't let it fool you. He knows that if mom makes that error, he will be out with his arms free in under 2 minutes. He always hopes anyway though.)


Step 3: Wrap one side of the blanket snuggly around baby. Make sure you don't leave a big lump of folded blankets under his back. Roll him on his side and make sure edge of blanket is all the way wrapped and the edge is resting flatly under other side. (doesn't make sense? that is fine, because nobody's really using these directions anyway! )


Step 4: Roll baby back onto his back. Baby cannot sleep on his side.

(Thought bubble: "Um, Mom? What are we doing?")

Step 5: Fold the bottom corner up over the feet. When they are newborn, feel free to bend the legs with this process. Doing so on an older baby will just tick them off and facilitate their escape sooner. (much more kicking leverage.)

(Notice picture is blurry...this is due to me using a wiggly, wide awake baby. This step and all future steps is best performed on a much sleepier baby.) =)

Step 6: Wrap last corner over baby, keeping blanket free from the baby's face (it was the camera angle! I didn't swaddle his mouth!) Make sure again that there are no bumps or big folds under the baby. I have had many early wake-ups due to lumps behind the baby's back!

("Seriously Mommy, what are you doing?")

Step 7: Roll baby back to their back. (Do you think if I forgot this step someone would forget to roll them back? Probably not huh.?)

("Hey, wait a minute Mommy, I just woke up... Are you being serious?")

If done correctly, you might actually be able to fool him into thinking he is actually still tired.

("Was I still sleeping? Maybe I am still tired.... yawn....)

("Dream on Mommy! I know that I just woke up!")

In the middle of the night, even if they are smiling like Small-Fry here, just turn off the lights and run for it. Baby will remember that they really are still sleepy and should go right back to sleep....knock on wood.

Don't get discourage at all the steps involved in swaddling. With practice you can reduce the time involved to mere moments. Again, if they are smiling at you, avoid eye contact!

There are a few signs that you have achieved the perfect swaddle. (at least on this kid) He will act sleepy. He will relax and just stare at you. He will get ticked because he knows he is not getting out of this one...this usually is followed by some good wiggling (kind of looks like an inch-worm) and then he will start to yell at you. If the kid could talk, he would be yelling, "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME...I'M AN AMERICAN!!!" You can usually just pick him up and burp him until he believes you that he is tired.

Now let's analyze some of the common mistakes. (pay attention honey.) =)

Mistake 1: You put the baby too high up on the blanket before starting the swaddle. This mistake can undermine even the best swaddling attempts, especially after baby knows a few tricks.

("Mommy just fell for the classic blunder!")
Note optimistic look on baby's face. He knows this one will fail. You really have to perfect the whole hooking the blanket around the shoulders thing during your swaddles.

Result of not getting shoulders tucked in there:

("Is this what you wanted me to show Mommy?)
Picture is blurry due to the amazing speed of this escape!

The naked shoulders get cold after this mistake too. If left untreated, this can result in the following:

Baby Smugness.
("Make it hard next time Mommy, that wasn't even a challenge!")

In RARE cases, you might get this lucky. Usually doesn't happen with younger babies though.

Pop Quiz time! See if you can diagnose the problem. =) (I just simply have way too many cute pictures!)

(Quit wiggling!!)

A properly swaddled baby is a happy baby!

And a sleepy baby.

Next time you visit my house, you will know why it is messy. I tend to squander my spare time. However, I now have tons of cute pictures that I will treasure always. =)