Are you wondering, "What the heck?! Pammy has a Barbie on her blog!! That sure doesn't belong there!" I know...never thought I would get to put a picture of Barbie on my blog. I happen to have the funniest story ever to go with it though.

Last night I had an Uppercase Living open house to go to, so that left Dad in charge of dinner. What does that mean? McDonald's. Of course. So my kids love Happy Meals. Who doesn't really? McDonald's for some reason always has gender specific toys, which in today's world doesn't seem like it would be politically correct...but oh well, who cares. So Ferris orders their food and tells them that the 3 Happy Meals are all for boys.

They get home to eat their food and what do you think has happened? Yep, the ever impressive staff at McDonald's has now ruined the evening for an otherwise sane father. Ian gets his toy out and it is a matchbox car. Boring, but boyish. So then Spider Man and Bear get theirs out...you guessed it. Pretty little Barbie dolls. (seriously wish I would have been home for this.) Spider Man CHUCKED his across the room and shook his fist to the heavens and yelled, "CURSE YOU MCDONALD'S!!!" (Ferris was trying his very best to not laugh his head off at his boy's dilemma. I would have been in tears laughing.) Bear was sicked out by his and was all ticked off. Ian was happy as a clam for being the only one to get a boy toy. (that's right...I just typed "boy toy" on my blog.)

Spider Man and Bear spent the rest of the meal swearing (yelling) to never go to McDonald's again, and what they were going to do to their Barbies today. They were asking Dad if they "can DESTROY the Barbies tomorrow?"

So thank you McDonald's staff! Now I can go for 2 flipping weeks without being nagged to go to McDonald's!! Who needs a little sister to provide innocent Barbies to pick on when you have those upstanding people at McDonald's to help you out?

I will keep you posted about the destruction of said Barbies. The amateurs probably don't know how to do it. They could just feed it to the dog...she would make quick of work of them. Poor pretty little Barbies.

The Greatest Art Form

The art of swaddling is as old as time. Women, being the innovative thinks that we are, discovered early on that the swaddle is a soother to infants. We even hear about it in biblical times...every Christmas we are reminded that Mary wrapped baby Jesus in swaddling clothes.

The tradition has been passed down through generations of time, perhaps from mother to daughter as we teach our little girls how to wrap their baby dolls in blankets. Or, in my case, passed along to us exhausted new parents by those saintly nurses in the mother/baby section of the hospital. (come on, you didn't really think I played with dolls did you?! If you did, let me introduce myself. "Hi, I'm Pammy...have we met?!")

Being back in the swaddling trenches again with my 4th baby, I have made some observations. This is not rocket science by any means. I started thinking about all the different facets of swaddling one night when Small-fry got up way before he normally did. I went in there and he was cold and awake. His blankets were down by his feet in a pile. Not even a former-swaddled-blanket-pile. Just a unrecognizable lump by his feet. His feet were all cold and he was so happy to see mommy. (to say someone is cold around here is really saying something. I have babysitters that bring jackets with them in the middle of July!)

(Actual reenactment of Daddy's awesome swaddling job...the aftermath anyway.)

So as I took care of the baby, I sat there thinking of how many ways to tease Ferris in the morning, because of course, he had been to one to put Small-fry to sleep. Nothing against him, it is simply because he just doesn't get as much practice as mommy. Just like I will NEVER be able to compete with the nurses in the nursery of the hospital. Those babies are wrapped so perfectly every single time, it ought to be part of the application process for hiring nurses!

So let us break down the swaddling technique, using my baby for the test subject. (I know, not really a controlled group of test subjects...but who is really going to let me come practice wrapping their babies up really tight and then take pictures while laughing?! I totally have been laughing my head off too while taking pictures. Sure wish I could put thought bubbles above the baby's head in the pictures. His face is classic as he is watching the breakdown of mommy's sanity!)

Step 1: Fold the top corned down of a fairly large blanket. (we will not be using smaller receiving blankets because those will only hold a 4-month-old for like 2.6 seconds. They are far more wiggly then a newborn. Size specifications are a whole different blog post...and not nearly as entertaining.)


Step 2: Place baby in center of fold, with the top of the blanket right about ear level. If baby is placed too high on the blanket, then he can just pop right of the top of the swaddle. (Just observe the 'innocent' expression. Don't let it fool you. He knows that if mom makes that error, he will be out with his arms free in under 2 minutes. He always hopes anyway though.)


Step 3: Wrap one side of the blanket snuggly around baby. Make sure you don't leave a big lump of folded blankets under his back. Roll him on his side and make sure edge of blanket is all the way wrapped and the edge is resting flatly under other side. (doesn't make sense? that is fine, because nobody's really using these directions anyway! )


Step 4: Roll baby back onto his back. Baby cannot sleep on his side.

(Thought bubble: "Um, Mom? What are we doing?")

Step 5: Fold the bottom corner up over the feet. When they are newborn, feel free to bend the legs with this process. Doing so on an older baby will just tick them off and facilitate their escape sooner. (much more kicking leverage.)

(Notice picture is blurry...this is due to me using a wiggly, wide awake baby. This step and all future steps is best performed on a much sleepier baby.) =)

Step 6: Wrap last corner over baby, keeping blanket free from the baby's face (it was the camera angle! I didn't swaddle his mouth!) Make sure again that there are no bumps or big folds under the baby. I have had many early wake-ups due to lumps behind the baby's back!

("Seriously Mommy, what are you doing?")

Step 7: Roll baby back to their back. (Do you think if I forgot this step someone would forget to roll them back? Probably not huh.?)

("Hey, wait a minute Mommy, I just woke up... Are you being serious?")

If done correctly, you might actually be able to fool him into thinking he is actually still tired.

("Was I still sleeping? Maybe I am still tired.... yawn....)

("Dream on Mommy! I know that I just woke up!")

In the middle of the night, even if they are smiling like Small-Fry here, just turn off the lights and run for it. Baby will remember that they really are still sleepy and should go right back to sleep....knock on wood.

Don't get discourage at all the steps involved in swaddling. With practice you can reduce the time involved to mere moments. Again, if they are smiling at you, avoid eye contact!

There are a few signs that you have achieved the perfect swaddle. (at least on this kid) He will act sleepy. He will relax and just stare at you. He will get ticked because he knows he is not getting out of this one...this usually is followed by some good wiggling (kind of looks like an inch-worm) and then he will start to yell at you. If the kid could talk, he would be yelling, "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME...I'M AN AMERICAN!!!" You can usually just pick him up and burp him until he believes you that he is tired.

Now let's analyze some of the common mistakes. (pay attention honey.) =)

Mistake 1: You put the baby too high up on the blanket before starting the swaddle. This mistake can undermine even the best swaddling attempts, especially after baby knows a few tricks.

("Mommy just fell for the classic blunder!")
Note optimistic look on baby's face. He knows this one will fail. You really have to perfect the whole hooking the blanket around the shoulders thing during your swaddles.

Result of not getting shoulders tucked in there:

("Is this what you wanted me to show Mommy?)
Picture is blurry due to the amazing speed of this escape!

The naked shoulders get cold after this mistake too. If left untreated, this can result in the following:

Baby Smugness.
("Make it hard next time Mommy, that wasn't even a challenge!")

In RARE cases, you might get this lucky. Usually doesn't happen with younger babies though.

Pop Quiz time! See if you can diagnose the problem. =) (I just simply have way too many cute pictures!)

(Quit wiggling!!)

A properly swaddled baby is a happy baby!

And a sleepy baby.

Next time you visit my house, you will know why it is messy. I tend to squander my spare time. However, I now have tons of cute pictures that I will treasure always. =)

Uncle Matt's New Pets

In this time of oil prices and expensive gas, most people are trying to conserve. Not me. Nope. I drove all the way to Orem to see about 30 ants!

Uncle Matt got an ant farm. In all honesty, we wondered if Uncle Matt had finally cracked. But the boys were very excited to see it and would have me text him everyday to see if his ants had arrived, and then the color of them, and all other deep profound ant related questions.

So we had to drive over just to see them...it couldn't wait. =) Seeing the ant farm up close, I was surprisingly interested in it and found myself staring at it a lot longer then I thought I would.

The blue gel is both food and water for them. Which means that they never have to open the lid. The boys LOVE staring at it...and frankly so do all the adults...only the young and cool ones will admit it though.


So then it starts: "Mom, can I get an ant farm? Mom?" So I asked the default question, "Does it make it's own pooh?" The answer to that is yes, but you can't see the pooh and never have to clean it up. So that question, that is designed to be the deal-breaker, doesn't really apply this time. Crap. (literally)

So I made the deal of the century. "If you clean your room and keep it clean for a month, then yes, you may have an ant farm."

So they should get one when they are about Uncle Matt's age.

Ok, but then the trip over to Grandma's house to see the ants suddenly turned into bug day at the Smith's. The neighbors have a tarantula. Shoot me. The boys have been SO looking forward to seeing it though.

So we went over and unluckily the neighbors were home. (no offense to them, they are about the nicest people ever...but they do own a very large, very creepy spider that my boys were excited to see!) So Uncle Matt and I put our phobias aside and went with them. Thank heavens Grandpa went to so that he could control the situation. If that spider would have fallen and started running, Matt and I would have screamed and headed for the hills!! So sweet neighbor Jacque, apparently oblivious to the fact that both Matt and I are ready to scream like little girls and run for it, asks the boys if they want to hold it.

Of course, they said yes. Thank heavens for Grandpa's presence to help them hold their hands still, so that if they panic the poor innocent spider (shutter....) won't get harmed. So Bear goes first. He was perfectly calm and didn't mind it at all...WHO'S KID IS THIS ANYWAY!?!


So Spider Man goes next...again...totally calm and acting like it is no big deal that he has a spider the size of his hand on him!!!!!! It was all I could do to stand there and not freak out for them and startle everyone! I held still enough to take a picture luckily. (again, who's kids are these two?!)

So then Jacque asked Smiley if he wanted too. The most he wanted to do was quickly poke the spider's hairy bum. (ok, abdomen...sorry boys!) Smiley was pretty scared and didn't want to do anything more then that. (that's my boy!!)

We finished holding the spider and it was returned to it's aquarium (huge sigh from Matt and mom) and then we thanked her and left. The kids were SO excited about this and have been telling people about it ever since.

A week later we had to go to PETsMART and the boys wanted to check out the snakes. So then along comes this cute employee, "You want to see it?" DANG IT!!! "Ok, sure." Thankfully she wouldn't let them hold it, but they got to touch it.


So the boys have had their fill of insects and reptiles lately. If I could just get Spider Man to quit asking for a scorpion we would be in good shape. And as for the deal of cleaning their room for a month to get an ant farm...that was over a month ago and they still haven't even cleaned it to start the month. So no worries there. =)

For the record: I am not scared of snakes and actually once tried to talk Ferris into a Columbian Red-Tailed Boa (this was before kids...and A LOT easier to manage) but he said no. I still tease him that he is the one that is scared of snakes.

Of course he denies this.

Old guys!

The boys have all started school and love it! They keep asking me "mom, did you put pictures on there yet?" So here goes:

Spider Man started 1st grade. He loves his teacher even more then last's years...if that is even possible! (I think his little first grade memory is just getting fuzzy) (side note: our kids call your memory "your remembery" Very cute!)

He is doing great on math and spelling, and reads like a champ! He loves school lunch and is actually drinking milk with it! (chocolate of course, but I am not complaining since he hadn't had milk in years!)

He just told me to write that he has a girlfriend. He told me her name but I can't tell if it is Sydney, or Cindy...and he doesn't know either. So I guess I don't have too much to worry about yet. =)


Bear started Kindergarten this year and loves it. Once in awhile he doesn't want to go because he thinks Smiley and Mom might have fun without him and go somewhere (which IS very likely) but for the most part he loves going. (this is the same kid that faked sick in preschool!! I am so doomed with this one...I know mom...payback. Got it.)

He is my serious one who wants his hair done everyday and is very particular about how it looks...he thinks if it is a bit too spiky on the side then it looks like a flower. (don't ask me, I'm just the messenger.) He is such a good little student and I love seeing him try and write words. Oh, and this kid can spell any word that Spider Man has brought home on his spelling list. I can ask him any 3 letter word, and some 4 letter ones, and he just gets a cute little face while he is sounding it out, and then just spells it. It is AMAZING. I have never seen anything like it.


Our cute little Smiley has started his first year of preschool. He LOVES it! He seems so young to me to be doing this stuff. He is very proud when he brings home homework, and wants to do it promptly when he gets home. It is really cute when he sees a letter that he knows. He will go, "I learned that one!!" He can even almost write his name. Very cute!


Spider Man and Bear get to walk home everyday together. Poor little Bear has only gotten forgotten twice. He was freaked out the first time...now he is cool with it. The secretaries over there probably have serious doubts about his mother....since Spidey also got lost after one of his after school cooking classes. The little punk decided he wanted to walk home, so I was over searching the school. The secretary knows me from that too. They probably think I am an idiot.

Nope. I just have boys.

And I am old.

Slacker

Holy cow...I'm not dead! You would think that since it has been so darn long since I updated this blog! The kids are constantly asking me if I wrote some stuff on here. Then last night I find out that even Ferris checks it everyday to see if I have posted anything new. OK!! I GET THE POINT!!!

So back by popular demand...while the kids are out "drowning bees" I will take these few moments of peace and quite to update things.

That's right...bees....dying in my garage. Where they are finding said bees, I don't want to know. All I know is that if they are dumb enough to catch bees, they kind of deserve to be stung. At least we will find out the answer to that burning question, "Do they have bee allergies?" Didn't really want to find out this, but at least it is a controlled environment, with a bit of adult supervision. And I really have nothing planned this evening, so a trip to the emergency room would fit quite nicely into the schedule.

Lest you think I am being melodramatic, I really am not worried about bee allergies. And frankly, at this point, I am rooting for the bees. They are obviously a lot smarter then the kids and it's time they start sticking up for themselves.