Weird Smells

So I went to a Scentsy party the other day....you know, the candle warmer things? Seriously, if I wasn't so involved with Uppercase Living, I totally would have jumped on the Scentsy bandwagon. Anyway, at this party I spent way more then anyone really should on candles! But I am so excited because I got so many wonderful scents that are going to make my house smell blissful! Without them, my house just stinks!

Why does it stink? "Because she is crazy and has two dogs in her house!" I know that is what you are thinking...but NO. It is because I have 3 stinking boys that don't know how to pee into a freaking toilet!

The other day, while I was trying to close my eyes for like 2 seconds, one of them came in and said, "Mom, there is pee all over the toilet downstairs and I really need to go pee." They have no idea how fast this makes me CRAZY pissed off. First of all, who the heck pissed all over the toilet and WHY!?! Second, you are just going to stand there and pee anyway, so why do you care if there is pee on it in the first place.?! And third...we have 2 OTHER TOILETS!! GO PEE IN ONE OF THOSE AND LEAVE ME ALONE FOR TWO FLIPPING SECONDS!!!

Ok....deep breath. So later, having forgotten all about said peeing incident, Smiley yells from the bathroom, "Mommy, I'm going poopies and I'm all done!" (just realized that I have NO idea how to spell poopies...and spell check just isn't being helpful for some reason.) So in the world of Smiley, you learn that when he says he is done, you dink around and wait for a few minutes, otherwise he will be back in there in like 20 minutes yelling the same thing. So I wait a bit.

"Mommy! I'm going poopies and I'm all done and I can't sit on the potty much longer!" So I am wondering what the crap he is talking about. (pun totally intended) I go in and my cute little 3 year old has lifted the lid and seat and sat on the rim, backwards. So his little bum is just centimeters away from that ice cold water. He is clinging for dear life on to the back of the seat.

So once I get past the GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSSNESS of the situation, I see the humor in it. If I would have had my cell phone on me, I would have taken a picture of said situation. But I didn't...bummer for you.

So I get him off and want to Clorox wipe his entire backside....don't worry, I didn't. Used hand sanitizer instead. So then I cleaned the toilet and all around it. SICK AND FREAKING WRONG!!! Do they have like 10 foot hoses? How does a little boy get pee that far behind on the freaking wall?! Seriously, I used to work at a pet store...I have seen some sick stuff in my time. But this was WAY worse then any dead decaying fish stories I could ever come up with. But I got it all cleaned up. We have just started buying the Clorox wipes from Costco...you know the pack with 4 bigs containers of them? Yep, we buy 2 of those 4-packs. (grrrrrrr)

The bathroom reeked and right when I was done, peace was restored and the house smelled totally fine.

So in case you are sitting there thinking, "Hey psycho, clean your freaking toilets more often!" let me defend myself. I CLEAN THEM LIKE EVERY FREAKING DAY!!! I do it while I am on the phone. If you have called me in the middle of the day, you have been present for one of these cleaning...I probably didn't tell you that was what I was doing, but I was. I have somehow managed to accomplish 2 goals at once...that is the cleanest/dirtiest/cleanest/dirtiest/cleanest...... toilets in existence. Bear will wait until the last freaking moment to pee...run in there at top speed and lift the lid and drop the pants in once split second movement and be peeing the next millisecond. Not so helpful in the aiming department. Oh, and then he will actually talk to you if you are in there and look over at you. He gets yelled at then for not watching what he is doing! Smiley has actually listened to Mom (SHOCKER) and now sits backwards. (I would highly recommend this for small boys. Who am I kidding. I would highly recommend this for all boys)

So why do I tell you all this? To make you want to visit my house and use my bathroom? Nope. To make you want to invite my boys over to pee in your bathroom? Nope. I tell this story so that you won't come to my house and blame my poor little puppies. They are amazing and never have accidents in the house. I can't even remember the last time! (except a teeny tiny bit of pee when Matt comes over. But we have learned to have Wicket be greeted on my front porch. So don't stand there without socks, ok? Yep, that dog is a bit retarded.) Anyway, when you walk in and think it smells weird...that is my kids. And the spots on the carpet, also the kids. They think it is ok to carry things like rootbeer and other crap into the living room. Or to stomp around in muddy boots until they find mom.

So don't blame the fuzzy, cute little dogs. Sure they bark, and are freaking annoying in general....but they don't stink. If they stink when you pet them, it is only because we put them in the bathroom while we are gone, and the kid smell probably sticks to their fur!

So if you come to my house, call ahead. I will make sure the toilet is clean, the Scentsy Candle is smelling wonderful, and that the dogs are put away.

It might almost pass for a nice peaceful home.


Oh, and a funny side note...I totally found the Walmart Toy Catalog that came in the mail in front of the toilet the other day. So one of my boys was reading on the can. Hilarious! I was laughing my head off and rolling my eyes that it is starting so young. Like father like son.

This is Ferris' favorite commercial ever: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/28095/true_soccer_lover/

Sorry to vent about pee. And pee smells. And bad aiming. It is all I can do from going crazy. I am the only one in this house that can't pee in that area behind the toilet, and yet I get to clean it almost daily. Life isn't fair.

If you see one of these in my yard, you will know that I have finally snapped!!

Don't worry, my cute little non-stinky dogs will do that for you too.

Totally freaky...

I just heard the yuckiest story about someone's cute picture from their blog being stolen and used for crazy Nazi images! So in lieu of that, I have decided to make this blog private. So I will be making it private at the end of November, so let me know if you want an invite to it. :)

I am still amazed that more then just my mom and maybe one other person even reads it! It is kind of a fun little outlet for me, and I got thinking today about something useful. (it happens from time to time.) There was a house fire this morning not too far from here. It made me start thinking about what I would do in that situation. Saving pictures sounds great, but with 4 small children and two dogs, I doubt that would even be in the thought process. Then it dawned on me, that anything I put on this would be safe (as long as Blogspot is fine.) I can imagine that it would be a huge relief if I lost all our other pictures to have a few on here.

So that rationalizes all the time I have spent doing this. :)

The boys just came in while I was typing this and are asking for hot chocolate. They have been out for a total of 10 minutes, and it's not even that cold out there! So the 3-year-old is coming up the stairs going, "mommy, it's as cold as the antarctic!" He isn't spoon fed stuff by his brothers at all, is he?

And then Bear just came in pajamas. It is 3:24. Guess it will be an early bedtime tonight....which is great because it is Thursday night...which means.....

I freaking love Thursday nights! Oh, and let's not forget about....

Dang...that picture is no fun! Let's try that again...

Ahhhhh. So much better. He's just pretty isn't he? And yes Larry, in my world, he is a real doctor. And dang, that would make a brain tumor a heck of a lot more enjoyable!

(Somehow I don't think that if my house burnt down I would really care that this picture is on this blog. I have some priorities straight! After all...I can find this picture online again!)

LOVE YOU FERRIS!!!!! (he's probably rolling his eyes in pain right now.) :)

Update

I forgot to keep you posted about the Barbies! I found one the next day.


Nathan, being the sweet one, gave the other one to the little neighbor girl. The same girl who's favorite umbrella Dallin broke right after. He will be buying her a new one instead of spending his money on a Transformer. The kid's teeth are falling out of his head so fast that he is becoming a rich man.

Good thing he is too young to pay taxes to our soon-to-be socialist government. I would think Tooth Fairy money won't be safe for too long though. It will be like the Sheriff of Nottingham on the Disney cartoon...you know when he throws a coin in Robin Hood's little collection cup and it bounces back out with all the other coins...then he just takes them all.

Not funny, sorry. I just feel like ranting about politics right now. Maybe I will get on tomorrow and delete this part.

Maybe not.

Spider Man's 7th Birthday!!

The big spider guy turned the big 7 a month ago! (yep, I am that behind) He was SO excited for his birthday and had all these grand plans. Unfortunately the day didn't really go as planned.

First off, he wanted mom to come eat lunch at school with him. So I did, and it was a bit different then I remember. I paid for an adult lunch...got the exact same stuff as all the kids. They let them choose what they want to drink and where they want to sit now! When I was in elementary you got milk. Period. If it was a holiday that you were stuck at school for, they gave you chocolate milk.
It was weird to have my little first grader telling me how to do things. The other boys came along of course, and they were so excited to eat school lunch. Paid for their's too...they ate like nothing.

After we were done eating this kid was wheeling by this big trash can, so I stuck my stuff in there. He just stared at me like I was an idiot. He goes, "You aren't suppose to throw the trays away. They go over there to the window, but I will take it for you." (all while glaring at me.) How was I suppose to know that the styrofoam trays are kept, but all the styrofoam cups for the soup go in the trash. What are they doing with these styrofoam trays? Recycling them? Why not recycle the other stuff like that? Or have they somehow managed to learn how to clean them? And if they clean them, wouldn't it be just as good to use the plastic type that we had to use? It really makes no sense to me. Maybe the reason that they don't use the plastic ones anymore is so that when kids drop them, they don't make that horribly loud sound that is very embarrassing for the kid. I saw one girl drop her tray and the poor kid had to just deal with it herself, because now the adults in the room have no idea that some little first-grader needs help.

Anyway, back to the birthday. After school, Spidey really wanted to go to the pumpkin patch. (shocker) Ferris couldn't take the day off though, so I was trying to entertain them until Dad got home. I took them to the park with a few of the neighbors and they had fun. Then Dad got home and we were going to head. Oh, I forgot to make Spider Man's choice of dinner...and I forgot to order a cake. I suck.

So we drive 20 minutes to get to the pumpkin patch that has the tractor ride and yummy donuts....it's closed! I totally didn't think to call ahead...which is ironic because then we started to remember something like that happening last year for his birthday too!

Trying to appease the kids, we took them to Macey's and let them each pick out a pumpkin. Then, because the evening had taken so long we didn't have time for shakes, and we had to hurry and open gifts before his friend had to go home. So some of his gifts were carefully wrapped in plastic. Plastic shopping bags that is. He thought it was cool, so that is good. (I suck.)

(of course it's not real...do you think I have lost my mind? It is remote control, which is disturbing enough. The dog LOVES it! No, he tries to attack it.)

Ok, lest you think we are total piles of crap, we had a makeup birthday weekend. We went back to the pumpkin patch and the boys had a great time.

5 little pumkins sitting on a gate

The first one said, "Hey mom, do I look great?!"

The second one said, "Daddy, can I get three?"

The third one said, "I really have to pee!"

The forth one said, "I get a tiny one?"

The fifth one said, "Boy, I'm having fun!"

So home went the Smith's
and went right to bed
and the 5 little pumpkins
slept like the dead.

Ok, I could have been more creative with the last part, but I have a very helpful, very pesky 3-year-old on my lap.

(I specialize in long blog posts huh? Too bad, because I am not done yet.)

We had cake and ice cream at Grandma Smith's house. Oh, wait...I forgot ice cream...so we ate homemade cake because again, I forgot to order one. I did take him to Macey's earlier in the week and let him pick one out though...so that was extra nice of me to get him excited for it and then not do it.

I can't believe I have a 7-year-old!!

To the polls...

Discussing politics is SOOOO much funner with kids then with adults. (that's right, I just wrote 'funner') So tonight we were mentioning voting tomorrow, and the boys wanted to know a bit more about it. In school I think they have tried to make them aware of things going on in the world. So they asked who we are voting for. We told them that we would be voting for Senator John McCain. Then they asked who else was in it, so we told them that Barack Obama was the other guy, and Nathan said something about picking him. This was a reaction, of course, to us saying that we were voting for the other guy...gotta pick the one that mom and dad didn't choose. So we go, "No, we aren't going to vote for him...he isn't a very good person."

The kids asked, "Why is he not good?"

We told them very nicely that he just doesn't believe in a lot of the same things that we do.

So then sweet little Bear says, in a very serious tone, "Daddy, you mean, does he not believe in Santa Claus?"

Man I wish politics were that cut and dry. How do you tell a 5-year-old that the man believes in killing babies while they are moving around in their mommy's tummies? Or that he is a socialist pile of crap who is not proud of his country? Or any of the other wonderful qualities of said politician?

Do we agree with everything that McCain does? No. But we certainly will support him over the very scary alternative.

Figured we would leave that out of the explanation for the 5-year-old.