The Facts of Tarantulas.

Dallin has been wanting to contribute to the blog for quite awhile. So since we are all sick and sitting around BORED out of our MINDS, I will serve as scribe while he waxes eloquent about his favorite subject.

So without further ado....take it away Spider Man.

Common Tarantula

1. Goliath Bird Eater Tarantulas do in fact eat birds.
2. Did you know that tarantulas have enemies? Tarantula Hawk Wasps. (we watched one today on YouTube. Very cool!)
3. In summer, male tarantulas hunt for their mate. If the female does not want to mate, she will eat him. Very dangerous!
4. People can have Goliath Bird Eaters for pets. They feed them birds and rodents. (mom's side note: there was also a video on YouTube with a tiny baby bird in there. I couldn't believe we were about to witness this and that Dallin was ok with it. However, that little bird just kept pecking that spider until the dang hairy thing left it alone.)
5. Spiders have fangs that point to each other. Tarantulas have fangs that point downward, like little daggers.
6. Tarantulas are the hairiest spiders, and the biggest arachnids.
7. Some tarantulas can shoot hairs from their abdomen to defend themselves.
8. Some species of tarantulas can rub parts of their jaws to make hissing sounds.
9. Tarantula Hawk Wasps look for tarantulas summer through fall. They use the spider to eat or lay their eggs on.
10. Goliath Spiders typically hunt at night. Most spiders spin webs. Tarantulas hunt.

Mexican Red-kneed Tarantula

The infamous Goliath Bird Eater Tarantula

Wow. There you have it. All the information you may need on tarantulas....you know...just in case you will be running into any soon. He has taken this assignment very seriously and carefully worded his facts to be as detailed, and useful as possible. So enjoy.

I am going to go find something else to do. If you want spider advice from someone else, here you go. If you see a spider, kill it. If you see a Goliath Bird Eater Tarantula, run for your life. I don't care if people have them for pets...something that big and hairy with 8 legs is WRONG.

Sick germs!!

My family has been all sick for the last 4 days...pretty much all of us! It has stunk bad! But I just got some doctor advice that I think should help things in the future. Thought I would share.

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and
that's it... don't waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will
not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to
live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What
does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?
Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient
mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field
grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you
100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable
products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy
is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the
fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that
way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your
ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is
two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of

participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My
philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are
fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're
permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a
little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it
gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a
bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another
vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain
whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and
well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO
HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat,
here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's
a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots
of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is
apparently what kills you.

Sure going to take this advice if I ever start a different diet. =) Ok, except for the beer thing.

My life....

So how's this for irony? I have always LOVED Calvin and Hobbes comics. They just remind you of being a kid and that imagination that only kids seem to be capable of. I always have laughed at Calvin and pretty much thought he was the coolest kid ever.

Only now that I am a mom to 4 boys do I sympathize with the kid's poor mother! So the irony in this is that now I am her. It used to be funny (ok, it is still hilarious) but I am so not letting my boys read it for a long time! I don't want to give them any more ideas!!

So I was sitting on the couch with my laptop doing work. My oldest son was sitting nearby watching TV. He didn't know I was watching, but the kid took his shoe off, then his sock, stuck his foot to his nose and took a big whiff. He lets out with a very satisfied, "Oh yah, that's what I'm talking about! It's like boy perfume!!"

Those are the kind of things that no matter how many boys I have, I just won't get it!

Along those same lines, another smelly story. I teach young women's at church and we all walked into our class. The room just stunk! All the girls were all, "What is that smell?" Then someone figured it out, "Oh, right, this room is full of boys before we come in." The girls weren't quite convinced that boys could smell that bad. Us leaders assured them that it is possible. We told them that someday when they were married, even though they love their husband to pieces, they will be able to tell their pillow apart from their husband's just by smelling it.

It's true. You boys stink.

One more kid story...sorry, I really have nothing else to do. We were getting home from basketball practice for the oldest the other day. He was telling us how he really likes basketball practice, but the stretching is his least favorite part. "Why is that son?"

"I hate doing the splits! It hurts the tenders!"

WHAT?!

After seeing our reaction to the term, the 5-year-old pipes up, "It's true Dad, that hurts the tenders."

The story is way funnier too if you can imagine for a moment their dead-serious faces as they tell us of the problem.

I learned the next day that the term came from Kung Fu Panda. The little sponges picked that right up! (eye roll)

Great. One more thing to be known as a slacker at...my blog. I keep thinking of stuff I need to put on here, and then someone will scream or hit or need mom...and that is as far as I get! So I am just going to sit here for a minute and ignore the dirty kitchen and the kids, and finally do it. I have a bunch of pictures I just wanted to stick on here...so enjoy!



Small-Fry continues to grow and be happy. His smile is about as big as his big brother's famous grin! His first little tooth popped out last Sunday. I can't believe how fast time is flying by! He crawls, although not up on his little knees yet. He gets up on his hands and knees and does some serious rocking, but if you sit in front of him though and try to get him to crawl to you, he will just hold all arms and legs up while balancing on his tummy and sit and make little fists and kick his feet while he waits for you to come get him. Hard to describe....just imagine a turtle turned on it's back. Same thing really.

Smiley got surgery. He was smiling the entire time, and of course had the nurses wrapped around his fingers. They kept bringing in more toys that they found, and he was so sweet to them all. He recovered quickly and was really brave about the whole thing!

Halloween 2008


Harry Potter - Bumblebee - Smiley Bumblebee

The ward had the annual Halloween party and so we carved a pumpkin for the carving contest. I confess, I took over and had a lot of fun with this. =)



Too bad you can't see it too well in this picture, but I even put "blood" on the feathers. The spider is Dallin's. It's actual size! Disturbing. We won the prize for the scariest pumpkin.

Another night when we were driving home, we were discussing the pumpkins we were going to carve when we got home. Spider-man goes, "I want a vampire pumpkin." Oooooh....scary!



Smiley says, "I want a happy pumpkin!" Cute little guy!



Bear goes, "I want a scorpion eating someone, with someone in it's pincers, and two people running away!!!"

......

......

blink blink

So daddy tells him, "Well, we may not be able to quite do that."

Yep, well I totally did it. One of Mommy's finest moments! It was spectacular. Look closely at the pictures...unfortunately, it is very hard to capture that kind of art work on film!



These are the two people running away. Again, really hard to capture in a picture.

Spider-man just kind of looked at his and tried to be happy. I think he will want mom's help next year. He didn't really think mom would be that good at this job. HA!!

Our Halloween stories would not be complete though without telling about Dad's work party. OH MY WORD. Omniture goes ALL out. They were totally on the news for how crazy it gets there. Every department had a theme and they spend days before decorating for the event. There was a Ghostbusters section, complete with a Stay Puff Marshmallow Man, a Super Mario Bros. department. There was an entire forest...Sherwood Forest of course. A complete saloon, and the executive's floor was the land of OZ...complete with all the characters in hollywood-quality costumes. The CEO has some weird thing for Dwarfs, and he flies a group of them in every year for Halloween. This year they were dressed as the Munchkins (he was the Wizard of Oz of course). Another year they were the dwarfs from Snow White. And yet another they were Umpa Lumpas and the CEO was Willy Wonka. If I were in that position, yep....I would totally do stuff like that too. Forget politcally correct....that is just plain funny!!

Oh, I forgot...there was an entire department decked out in BYU vs Utah decor (in honor of the approaching game) complete with REAL GRASS FOR THE FIELD and the real Cosmo the Cougar and some of the cheerleaders! It was AWESOME!! BYU was hugely represented, and then there was a few dorky little Ute things there trying to compete. =) Brought tears of joy to my eyes.




Notice the REAL field they are standing on. And too bad the picture doesn't capture it, but my boys were just staring at the cheerleaders. It was really funny! (eye roll) =)



October brought us something else creepy!



Look closely. Those D*** bugs ate our freaking lawn. Now, if you know us, it took us FOREVER to finish our yard, and the hubby treated the lawn TWICE this past summer for them. Did it help? Nope. So sorry for the harsh language, but it still makes me see red to think about it. This spring when I have to buy another pallet of sod, and lay that sod, you will definitely hear more language.

Wow. This post just keeps going and going and going. I am just going to post it now though and put all the Christmas pictures in a different one. I have heard you can back-date these so that it will be with the right date, but then I will still look like a slacker who hasn't updated my blog. So you just get to read about Halloween and other fall stuff. Plus, it is WAY too late for this girl to be figuring out how to do that.

Oh wait.

It's actually really easy to do. But there again, I will still look like a slacker. So read all about pumpkins in front of a valentine's background. Weirder things have happened around here!